I Love Not Camping (1 of 3)

We saw this bag at a shop in Sutton's Bay called The Happy Woman, and I knew it was a blog in the making! I LOVE NOT CAMPING!

My room with a view was perfect. I love NOT camping! I had a great time with my oldest friend (duration (28 years), not age), Anica on our NOT camping adventure. It was short, but it was sweet.

Anica and I in the lake at Van's Beach.

The Whaleback Inn


We stayed at the Whaleback Inn in Leland, MI. I have heard about "the county" for SO long. Like seven years long. I finally got to see what all the fuss was about. The water is beautiful. The beaches are killer, Sutton's Bay and Leland had great places to eat shop and wander. The landscape is fabulous, the sunsets are marvelous and the people were welcoming. Overall a beautiful experience. I got all of the great things about camping-like s'mores-without actually camping. PLUS, we had beds, air conditioning, a shower... :)


My favorite moment of not camping, was Anica singing by the campfire while I was roasting marshmallows for my patented "double" s'more. Two marshmallows, a full square of chocolate and two gram crackers. The stars were so bright, the weather was perfect and hearing her voice takes me to a place nothing else does.


I was thrilled to meet in person some of the fabulous characters I feel I know so much about...after all the stories and pictures over the years! I look forward to spending more time with them the next time I visit.


Since I hurt my back unpacking my van (I know, right?) we did the less strenuous outings. I look forward to hiking Whaleback and spending a day at Northbar on one of my next visits.

Cheers to the sun, the water, the waves and "the county."

The Responsible Runaway

I will start by saying I am very privileged in my life. I have a family that I love, a unique cast of characters that keep me smiling that I call friends, an eleven year marriage, a job that makes an impact on some of our most at risk teen community members, active involvement with community organizations...exactly. I am blessed. I am also exhausted.

I firmly believe that to take care of anyone, my husband, my clients, my child, my family, I must first take care of myself. Lately, I have had some stress in my life, health issues, family issues, relationship issues, job issues, etc. that have frankly, tested me. They have added up. So, I am running away, responsibly.

Top Five Signs I Want (and Need) To Runaway

5. I had the urge to bite the head off of someone at work who I let get under my skin with their issues. I am known as a positive, rapport building, team member. This urge, although I did not act on it, was a sign, a sign of stress.

4. Being overly tired no matter how much sleep I got. Calling in sick and sleeping until 1pm. Sign of stress.

3. Skipping water aerobics to sit. I have been actively going since January, and I blew it off. Sign of stress.

2. I could cry at the drop of a hat. Sign of stress, oooooooooooor watching too much Oprah, but, since they have all been reruns, I deducted it was a sign of stress.

1. Walking out of the restaurant when I was having lunch with my husband because he had the nerve to talk with his mouth full (I asked him not to once already), a sign of stress...it was just a little piece of tortilla. I didn't look back and left him sitting there.

SO, this is what brings me to blog today. I decided on Thursday that I needed a get away. Something without anyone expecting anything of me. No husband, no fabulous child, just me. So, I was feeling impulsive. I am not insane though, so I put out some feelers, made some phone calls and by the end of Thursday, my last scheduled working day for the week, I had gotten approval to take the following week off. By the end of Thursday night, I had a room with a view booked for myself in Northern MI to reset, relax and reflect the following Monday and Tuesday. I am now looking forward to a week off filled with a few road trips, the first by myself the second with my family. A few days to do nothing but a Dr.'s check up and uh, that is it. I am looking forward to what I will forever more call - wait for it - wait for it - (insert sound effect here) PLANNED SPONTANEITY.

Again, I feel blessed that my husband was in full support of whatever I felt would be beneficial...and if you reread my number one reason for the responsible running away, you might not blame the man.

Cheers to the water, the wind and all that I will encounter on my adventure. I feel pretty euphoric just getting all my ducks in a row at work, cancelling the few clients that did want to meet next week (as it is the week before school, my client's want a break too.). I asked for what I wanted and needed. My boss was in full support, my husband in full support, my daughter well cared for and for me...some me time. I really don't think you can underestimate your own piece of mind, mental health, stress level, or whatever you want to call it. As a mental health professional. I am following the advice I would give anyone else! What helped me get this me time?

There is this lady known around Donkey and Kart as "the short lady." She will probably never read this because she self reports that her she lives a blog free life, but if she does, I hope she knows how much her calm, sense of humor and compassion have helped me to feel connected and grounded. She has helped me to make sense of my life by relating. A soul mate of sorts, a connection for sure.

There is another lady, we will give her a Native American second name, she will be called: Hugs with Heart. Hugs with Heart has sent emails, given hugs and brought a connection to my life that was defiantly missing. I think she will read this blog. She is a confident and strong woman, I hope she knows how much I appreciate her support. She is beyond a fabulous friend. She has said words to me that mean more than I can say. Funny emails, allowing me to be real with her and providing so much laughter that I just could just squeal with glee. WOW, what a stress relief a good laugh can be.

The third weird appreciation shout out that I seem to be doing--random! Goes to my family. My husband particularly. Anything in life that is worth it - takes work. A marriage that has fulfillment, fun, support and duration also has crazy days. It is getting through the crazy days and looking back at them with a laugh or a smile, or a lesson learned that make this relationship work for the long haul. I am so glad we have each other. My life is simply better with you in it.

How lucky I am to have: Wayne, Haiden, Leisa, Carrie, Felicity, Amy, Mom, Dad, Anica, Chip, Sheryl, Erin, Matt, Sammy, Will, Jake, Desarae, Grandpa, Grandma, Great Uncle Wayne, Great Aunt Sally, Nick, John, Michelle, Mona, Mark, Abby, MJ, Dave, Heather, Justin, Ryan, Aunt Kathy, Uncle Steve, Laurie, Amanda, Melissa, Mark, Dawn, Charlie, Katie, Michelle, Alyssa, Mike, Jim, Kathy, Kathy, Orion, Blaine, Chris, Liz, Jordanna, Myrna, Linda, Marty...(I am being played off stage from this Oscar speech now...) and the list goes on...Thanks.

Olympic Sleep Deprivation

I admit it. I have Olympic Sleep Deprivation...I just can't help it. I stay up WAY too late watching the Olympics. I love the Olympics. I have so many vivid memories over the years. Some because they were great and some because they were embarrassing or funny. I remember Tonya Harding, not for the reasons that you may think...of course I remember the "hit man" style pipe swipe to Nancy Kerrigan's knee-but more memorable I recall her stopping her routine pointing at her skate with her leg held up, whining about her missed jump. Even more vividly, I remember my friend Chip reenacting the scene over and over as we laughed so hard we nearly wet ourselves...

I remember watching firsts, like Jamaica bobsledding and now, Michael Phelps! Can you believe that kid. How exciting! I was squeezing Wayne's hands last night chanting U-S-A, U-S-A as we watched the men's 4x100 relay! Watching history eight gold medals in one olympics!

Yes, I said it. I chant in my house. I find myself riveted by things I would never have thought I would watch, like archery, handball, rowing, badminton and table tennis. I may not understand the scoring to all the events, but that is part of the fun. Learning about these events and the people that devote thier lives to them. I don't know what it is. Is it the patriotism, the personal stories so well told, the fact that during a time our country is at war, I see the world coming together-showing how much more alike we all are than different? I many not understand what some of the other countries parents are saying when their child wins, but I understand what their face says. Pride, excitement, joy. I may be a sap, I may be an idealist, but watching the sportsmanship gives me hope for our world.

I hope you get to watch some diving, swimming, gymnastics or equestrian competitions. It is history being made. I know some of you are, because when I arrive at work glazed over I talk to other people who are also glazed over because they just couldn't tear themselves away from the TV set! I won't even TiVo it and go to bed, because I am afraid I will hear the outcome from someone chatting about it before I have a chance to watch it! So, if you see me glazed over in the next few weeks...you will know where the sleep deprivation is coming from!

One onehundreth of a second...it is worth it. Olympic sleep deprivation anyone?

An All American Weekend...

Haiden at the beach


I am so thrilled to have revisited some of my best childhood memories and have shared it with my family this weekend. My mom (Linda), myself, my husband (Wayne), his mother (Linda), our daughter (Haiden) and my niece (Desarae) went to Grand Haven for the weekend. The beach house we stayed in belongs to my Great Aunt Sally and Great Uncle Wayne. I was there as a child with Tina, one of their Grandchildren was exactly my age and we got along quite well. Many memories came flooding back. There are four bedrooms with thin walls an no ceilings. When my mom coughed in the bedroom next to us, I had to double check she was not in my bed. It is a very unique and homey experience--not unlike something you might see in the movies.


Great Uncle Wayne and Great Aunt Sally

Aunt Sally and Uncle Wayne are the type of couple that you see holding hands and walking on the beach-STILL at 79 and 80 years old. They have had this beach house since 1963. It has private beach access and beautiful views of Lake Michigan. It was built in the 1920's and they are the second owners. It came furnished...and still has some of the most unique pieces you can imagine. Then, add my Aunt's eclectic collection of antiques, knickknacks and beach themed paraphernalia....along with decades of children's, grand children's and great grand children's gifts and voila! Believe it or not, it is minimalistic and full all at once. My two year old daughter fell in love with an antique wood carving of an old sea captain that my Uncle says reminds us to respect the lake. She was also AMAZED with the singing fish on the wall that sang Don't Worry Be Happy and Take Me To the River! It did not have a volume control...I am sure my Great Aunt and Uncle were for once, thankful that their hearing isn't as good as it used to be.

Desarae on the end of the Pier at the public beach after a walk from Fortino's

(she got a dollar to spend on candy at the historic candy store from her Great Great Aunt Sally)

They are the ultimate hosts. Friday night we were joined by my fourth cousin, Justice. She is really one of the most exquisite 13 year olds I have ever met. She has a special quality that is just compelling. She met us at the bottom of the stairs when we arrived to greet us and help us carry our things up the seventy some steps, she read a 500 page book in one day, helped Aunt Sally and Uncle Wayne the whole day and joined us down the one hundred and one steps down the stairs to the lake, again carrying things to help us. She even admitted to "not even miss my myspace" when she was at the lake. She even stayed on an air mattress so the rest of us could have our own rooms...Did I mention she was 13? She already has college plans and speaks so eloquently. I am so proud of her. Last time I saw her she was 2 at our wedding-time flies.

Justice and I at the lake house

Back to Aunt Sally and Uncle Wayne, they prepared and cooked meals, provided fabulous and spirited discussions about the history of the lake and I was able to reminisce about my late Grandmother. My Grandma Warner was one of the most fabulous women you could imagine. I miss her every day. Sadly and suddenly, she left us in December 1997 at age 70 with no known previous health problems. My Great Aunt Sally was her sister and best friend. So, in spending time with her, I could not stop thinking of my Grandma and feeling her presence around me. We talked about her and remembered her in a way that I haven't done in a while. There were some tears and more insight from my Aunt than I can ever thank her for.

For all of their hospitality, Wayne and I insisted in taking them out to dinner, so they picked their favorite restaurant, the Billandmar Restaurant. Now, Aunt Sally and Uncle Wayne only go out to eat once a year, on their anniversary, so they were so thrilled. They are getting ready to celebrate their 57th wedding anniversary later this month. We all can't be as lucky as they are, but I am telling you, I am insanely respectful and I am feel truly blessed to have had the chance to spend some time with them. My Uncle Wayne said, "I can't believe this" as all eight of us were piled in our van on our way to dinner. "What?" I asked. "That someone is treating us!" This was hard for me to understand. I am sure they don't make it easy for others to treat them, they are the ultimate treaters. So, it was our pleasure to see them in this role. They ordered drinks, dinner and we sat at the window looking out at the lake and all the beauty and power it holds.

At the Billandmar for dinner

On Friday night, there we all were, huddled around an old TV set with rabbit ears, watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. Four generations of family up to 5th cousins, ranging from two to 80, watching in awe while listening to the waves crash in the background as the wind blew through the house. It was like stepping back in time to a simple and pure moment (vodka tonics and wine included).

There is something about the water and nature that resets your brain. This was the case for me. I look forward to next summer when I check their calendars to see if they have a free weekend for us to book at the lake.

Wayne and Haiden at Lake Michigan

I am exhausted from all the steps, but giddy from all the love. Among the most precious moments were my daughter doing everything she could to avoid putting her feet in the sand (quite some balance), my niece talking to the lake and playing as if she was a dog, fetching sticks and all, my mom relaxing and smiling at her Grandchildren and my husband taking four trips to the car this morning as we said our goodbyes (seventy some steps -- each way!). My Great Aunt Sally sharing recipes with my Mother in Law and the multiple in unison "What(s)?" that were heard with two Wayne's and two Linda's in the mix!

Haiden balancing on me so her feet don't touch the sand

Thank you to the sunsets, the waves, the old sea captain and to my Great Aunt Sally and Great Uncle Wayne who embody the best America has to offer in work ethic, hospitality, spirit, fun and courage.

Don't Feed Your Cell Phone to the Ducks

Cell phones just freak me out. I mean, I have one. What if I didn't? Well, I am guessing no one would ever talk to me--and you can't text on land lines, bummer. I work with teens and they may not have money for the bus, but they have a cell phone to call me and tell me they can't come to their appointment because they don't have money for the bus. Cell phones are a sign of status to some, a necessity to others and plain convenience for the rest of us. Take my husband for example. He would go to the store to get three things and come home with five. However, one of the three he went for, he would forget. Now, he just calls me and says, "what else was I going to get?" There. Convenience.

OK, all that just to mention that Wayne is feeling cut off today. Why? Thanks for asking! Did he forget his cell phone? Well...we went on a family outing to MSU on Sunday. We thought it was a good day to go to the Red Cedar River to feed the ducks. Haiden loves it. So, Wayne went to sit on the edge to hold Haiden so she wouldn't fall in, plop. Yep. His cell phone fell out of his sweatshirt pocket and into the river. We both looked at it-like dear in headlights. Wayne blurted an expletive and I just froze. There is was...Haiden's picture was lit and displayed on the bottom of the Red Cedar River. "Are you going to get it?" I asked. He took his sandals off and hopped in to retrieve it. It no longer glowed. It was kaput! We tried drying it out, trading batteries, but nothing. It was gone. Now, Wayne is awaiting a refurbished phone via mail. Don't worry, not all was lost. The memory card allowed Wayne to get all of the pictures and video clips off. Even the picture of me, miserable in labor, all bloated with a washcloth on my head. Hmmmmm....I wouldn't have minded if THAT had been lost.

Lesson: Don't wear a sweatshirt on 80 degree days (what was he doing wearing a sweatshirt on Sunday anyway?), and if you are silly enough to do so, don't put anything of value in the pockets and lean over water. I hope this fabulous piece of advice helps you out someday. Seriously, the first company to make a water resistant cell phone will be genius--and loaded. Come on, we all know someone who's phone fell in the toilet, or the Red Cedar River-same difference.

Overwhelmed and Inspired

Do you ever get overwhelmed hearing other people's problems? Just sitting with one's own life's problems can be exhausting. I have several very tough cases right now. I adore the very often labeled "juvenile delinquents," "disrespectful lazy teens," and my least favorite "directionless" human beings I work with. They hear those other things all the time. I have a different perspective.

I understand that I get to see their best selves. One on one, in a room with them with no outside pressures and complete confidentiality (except child abuse and/or harm to self or others, which I CLEARLY cover I can't keep private). Do you know what I see? I see overlooked, under appreciated survivors. The teens I work with may act out, use drugs, do illegal things and yes, sometimes present with a bad attitude. These same teens were once kids who have experienced some things you couldn't imagine. If you heard their childhood stories you would throw money at their "cause" and have sympathy and empathy unending.

In two and a half years, I haven't met a teen who hasn't experienced at least ONE major trauma. Yet, they are funny, they are smart, they are wise beyond their years at times. They are hip, they are cool, they are real. I am glad they are alive and feel privileged to be let into a world that many are not. If you will, take a moment to remember what it was like to be a teenager. Remember what it was like when your heart was broken, hormones raging, or you were covering for your family because they weren't perfect? Remember when you drank, or you lied, or you felt insecure? Remember that these teens are real and deserve to be honored for their experiences.

I am not suggesting they not be held accountable for the choices they make. Trust me, they are. From their teachers to their probation officers, from their parents to their community, they are. What they are NOT getting is the recognition that they have potential and that they have SO MANY strengths. Although right now I am feeling overwhelmed by the pieces of them I carry with me, I feel even more empowered to put out in the universe how lucky I am to see their best selves. I hope you will take a moment and honor them with me. Thank you for listening and thanks to them for teaching me so much I would not have known without their candor and bravery to share. How lucky I am. How lucky I am.

Sometimes, You Get What You Pay For

I was with my two girls at water aerobics at the YMCA in Haslett on Wednesday. We were working out, catching up and chat, chat, chatting. I was watching the people around...the children that seem to be there doing family swim with no adult with them, the manic splasher that was lane swimming RIGHT behind me (nice view underwater I am sure. I had no view since the splashed water blinded me.), the early 20's lifeguard that looked so passive and bored, the others in class-buzzing with chatter in their little hives. Just a typical day at the Y.

Then, like a sleeping dog snaps to when he hears a squirrel, this young, previously passive, life guard has what I believe was the most exciting two minutes of his week. The instructor overheard a lady in class question if that was lightening outside. The instructor saw it and directed the lifeguard to check it out. He charged over to the window and verified lightening and jumped into action. He blew his whistle like a ref with a game determining call and proceeded to VERY ASSERTIVELY state, "Everyone out of the pool! It is not safe. EVERYONE OUT OF THE POOL." He moved faster and more assertively than his demeanor had suggested possible. We all proceeded to move out of the pool. Our instructor told us we had to get out because, "there are pipes under the pool that are not grounded and if lightening strikes we will all turn to goo." That is right folks, goo. Hmmm...I thought. "why don't they ground it?" I asked the instructor. "I don't know, but if you are at the Mac, you can stay in the pool. It is grounded." she answered.

OK, so I paused to ask myself a few questions (out of the pool of course). 1. What if no one had seen the lightening? 2. What if there were no windows at the pool? 3. Are they aware that in Michigan the weather changes on a dime...? 4. Do you get what you pay for? 5. Should safety be more accessible for those who pay more? In the end, I am not goo...and that life guard had 2 minutes of adrenaline filled action. I was actually impressed. At lease he has it in him to jump out of his stoned-like state if I were to nearly drown. I wonder if he does rescue people or if you have to pay more for that? :)

Oh, the instructor told us we are not supposed to shower either. I took my chances...she did too as well as everyone else in class. Should that be posted somewhere? I wonder if the Mac has signs? Signed, the gooless Jaim