Ahhhh...It's Not About Me, It's About Her

Haiden THRILLED to meet Cindi and Snowy

So, you have a child and you have ideas about things. I did not want Haiden to wear all pink. I wanted her to be able to be comfortable and active in whatever she wore. I never wanted to catch myself saying, "Don't run in your dress." I just didn't want to raise her to be a girly girl.

What is that anyway? Really, Wayne and I created Haiden, she is our daughter. I thought, I am not going to raise a sissy. I am not going to put her in pink frilly dresses, etc. etc. Well, she did come from me, but she is not "mine." She is our daughter, but she is her own unique person.

It was a wonderful realization when I bought her the sparkly, pink, frilly dresses that she would love it. She did. SHE would love it. That is what matters. Just because we have children does not mean we should not honor who they are. Haiden loves to run around and jump in mud and she likes to dress up, carry a purse and wear a tiara. That is wonderful, that is Haiden.

Haiden asking Snow White a few questions...

We had a great time at the princess party we took her too. She was smiling ear to ear the whole day. She was SO happy to meet Snow White and Cinderella. Sure, she was wearing a beautiful, pink, frilly dress, but she was still Haiden.

Haiden and her Daddy, building memories...


My favorite part of the day is when my inquisitive child asked Snow White and Cinderella about their stories. She asked Cinderella, "Are you still with Prince Charming?" "Are your stepsisters nice now?" and she asked Snow White, "Why did you eat the poison apple anyway?" It was so wonderful to watch the other little girls listen to the "big girl princesses" every word. I am sure the college students who were dressed as Snow White and Cinderella had no idea they would be quizzed! They did a great job answering the questions. It was a quality event put on by a hospitality class at MSU.


Haiden asking Cinderella a few questions-with the other princesses listening intently!

Watching Haiden have true curiosity about Cinderella and Snow White was fantastic, it was critical thinking at its best! I am so proud to honor who Haiden is and who she is becoming. All of the preconceived things I worried about were before I had the realization that this little lady was one of a kind. I look forward to honoring who she is for the rest of her life. She is only three now...so the best is yet to come on this-lord help me when she is a teen!

Get Out of Your Own Way!

People (self) included...get out of your own way. Life will through up road blocks, but, don't get in your own way too. Stop making excuses, take care of yourself and handle your business. I get in my own way and I really need to have my own back. Today, I pledge to get out of my own damn way! If you are keeping yourself from achieving, stop.

Much love, J

What happens when you increase calories &...

What happens when you increase calorie intake and decrease exercise?

Yep! I gained a wee bit of weight over the holiday month...3ish pounds. I am back at WW and start a new exercise class today. It is harder getting back going than it was going...

I guess I remembered all the yummy things in life. Time to monitor myself and get those three pounds off and 25 more by June 29th. Wish me luck! This eating healthy and exercising is proving more difficult with all of the holidays and the winter! :) Although winter won't last forever. I am excited to use my new bike when the sidewalks are clear.

That is my update!

The New Year Cometh

What have I lost in 2009? Or what have I gained in 2009? The new year is around the corner and 2010 is going to be a good year. I have a creative project I am working on. I am ready to continue working hard at work-loving my job. I am ready to get back on track with exercise since I took a wee hiatus over the last few weeks...

I want to build on the progress I made in the last half of 2009. I would like to loose 25 more pounds by June 29th. I am looking forward to riding my bike, taking a new exercise class and I love that I had to ask for new clothes for Christmas because my old clothes are just too big. So, I have lost weight and gained a better understanding about nutrition, choices and most of all that I can accomplish my goals with hard work.

Stay tuned to hear more about my creative project. I have been wanting to do this for a long time and one lunch hour ignited a spark that has lay dormant for a long time. I welcome 2010!

My Oh My, How Time Flies

Haiden feeding the goat at Country Mill


Time has flown by since I last blogged about the summer. Fall has been filled with adventures and a lot of work. Good news to report on the battle. I have lost 28 pounds since May. Not bad, not bad at all. I have "under-grown" most of my pants. I have to literally tighten my belt, so today, I will be rewarded by purchasing a few pair of pants. A girl has to have a good pair of jeans and a pair of black pants! I have like three pair of pants I can still get away with, but ... seven pair or more will be going to consignment. Why? I do not plan to ever need them again. Thanksgiving is coming up, Christmas and challenges, but I plan to AT LEAST maintain. Wish me luck!



About our wonderful child...

Haiden on her thrid birthday morning

Haiden is cracking me up these days. She has had some memorable phrases, like "I love the story Hansom and Gretel." and "It's OK Mommy, you can watch whatever you want. I don't mind. It's good operation! (meaning cooperation, but good enough!) "Mommy, I don't have breasts or freckles, how did you get them?"

She is noticing EVERYTHING too. When having some family time down stairs in the "man room," Haiden was looking at Wayne's signed and framed basketball jersey. She asked, "Daddy, why is your shirt in that box?" It's true actually, they notice things we don't think are that strange. They hear things we block out. Every time we walk outside she says, "Do you hear the..." train, birds, car, firetruck, etc. I have to tune in and listen. She is right. What is the lesson in this? Pay attention to children, they notice things we block out, take for granted or miss in our daily lives. It is nice to take time to listen to the birds!



On HOLIDAYS: We had a wonderful Halloween! She and Mommy were witches and Daddy was a ghost. Wayne had been gone most of October, so my Mother mentioned perhaps it was type casting, since Haiden decided what we would all be! LOL. HEY! Wait a minute... I guess everyone in my family has jokes!

Family: We had a few family challenges, my Mom was in the hospital (I was with her) and she had an emergency appendectomy. My Dad had knee replacement, my Mother-in-law is retiring and will be splitting her time between Michigan and South Carolina. My Mom may need to retire early due to contract negotiations. Meanwhile, Wayne, Haiden and I are happy, healthy and thankful to be gainfully employed (Wayne and I, Haiden isn't working...).

That about says it all! Winter is on it's way...I will have more down time to write. :)

Update on the Battle

Since I have joined Weight Watchers. I have lost over 10 pounds. I am feeling good about it and not deprived in any way. I am down 18 pounds since I began this journey. Tonight we are having a Weight Watcher's recipe for Chicken Marsala. It is soooooo good that I would order it in a restaurant. I have been working out at least 4 days a week and know my schedule will get busier now and I will have to reprioritize. It is great to have Wayne on board and cooking new recipes and meal planning. Love having Lis to send my points too and for walking, H20 and encouragement. I know there will be ups and downs, but I am optimistic and feeling good. Less eating out, less time with friends and volunteering...there are sacrifices I am not loving, but I have to put my health first.

Thanks for all the support! I tried on a dress the other day and realized my legs looked good....I almost forgot that the shape beneath it all can come back :).

Wish me luck and continued success for this life long journey!

Mackinac Island

Great travel companions!

Lis and I on a bike break-taking in the beauty of the island.

O and Lis at dinner, it was a GREAT dinner!

A self portrait of us on our trek.

What a perfect weekend.

1. Fantastic travel partners

2. An 8.3 mile bike ride after not riding a bike in over twenty years!

3. A perfect spa pool to relax in after bike ride...

4. A folk singer in the Pink Pony singing Joni, Indigo Girls and Stevie Nicks...I was in heaven. JONI! WOW!

5. A great blend of walking, bike riding, being carted around by horses and lounging.

6. "crackers"

7. Bats dive bombing us and Lis squealing like a she was about to be attacked by enemy combatants.

8. Orion's crooked walk after the beverage I selected for him...

9. The rain held out!

10. Spending time with my honey and sleeping in...Grandma watching Haiden...

Squeaking the summer out of the summer...

Victoiously flying a kite!

Cohen and Haiden making "soup"... we had sandwhiches for lunch!

I know there will be months coming up where I won't want to spend much time in the sub zero...so I am squeaking out what is left of summer. I feel good about Glen Arbor, the visit to my Grandma's, the Warner Family Camout, a kayaking trip up and down the Grand River and the weekend trips to the park and the zoo... a lot of time spent outside. This past weekend was no exception Lis, Orion, their lovely child Kib Kib, their niece Layla, nephew Cohen, Wayne, Linda, Linda, myself and Haiden headed up to Grand Haven to my Aunt Sally and Uncle Wayne's. It was the PERFECT day at the big lake. I can't remember a day I have spent at Lake Michigan where everything was so perfect. The waves were big enough to play in but not so big they knocked you over. It was hot enough to want to be in the water, but not too hot to play on the beach. I flew a kite...seriously, it has been decades! I blogged about my Aunt Sally and Uncle Wayne's place last summer. It is really special. We were lucky enough to spend the day on a stretch of private Lake Michigan beach. We could see the overcrowded public access beach and were even more thankful. With three children to keep track of, it sure is easier without hundreds of other people there they can get lost in. One of the highlights of my day was revisiting my trip to the buoy with Lis and Wayne. I remember what a big deal it was when I was a kid to make it "all the way" out the buoy. Really it is only over my head for five feet or so of swimmnig...but back then it was "living on the edge." I felt the same sense of exhileration to touch the bouy without it bashing into my head as I approached it. I LOVE the water and this day was a perfect day to spend in it. Not to mention the kids and the dog were perfectly behaived in the car, on the beach and in the restaurant for dinner. BONUS!

Aunt Sally and Uncle Wayne's cottage is stuck in time...a good time, a traditional Michigan summer house with outstanding views of the lake.

I know I am in better shape this year than last, because the over 100 stairs I took to get to the cottage and then back down to the beach and back up to the car didn't hurt as bad. Haiden even walked every last step this year. The kids were little "show offs," hopping up the steps :). Ahhhhh, to have endless energy.

I spent a good three hours in the water and a few more hours on the beach. . . On to the next adventure! Mackinac, here we come! Adults only this time! :) I look forward to sqeeking every little bit of summer that we have left out of the summer!

My Weekend

Haiden Kissing Daddy at dinner...

My favorite treat of the summer...smores!

Haiden with her Grandma Linda and Vovo

Sunshine Cottage

Best parts about the weekend:

1. Three generations travelling together and everyone having fun!
2. The Sunshine Cottage in Glen Arbor
3. The two bites of deliciousness I tasted from the local pastry shop-still on WW, but WOW the cream cheese lemon bar was one of the best things I have ever tasted!
4. Playing in Lake Michigan with my daughter even though it was cold.
5. Spending some great family time in one of the most beautiful places in Michigan.

Worst parts about the weekend:

1. I managed to not take enough pictures- go figure!
2. More sunshine would have been nice
3. The check out time was WAY too early
4. It was too short
5. It was too short

Overall we had a great trip to Glen Arbor and a nice day trip to Fish Town in Leland. The soft serve was a hit with Haiden and Wayne found some killer pizza for $2.25 a slice. We grilled and cooked at the cottage most of the time, that was a great way to save money and to eat healthier.

I can't wait for next year when we rented a house for a week up there. This was just recon! I can't wait to kayak up there either. We spied on the house we rented next year. Looks nice! Can't wait...it will just be a few blocks to town, and close to the water!! Can't you hear Tim Allen's voice now...Pure Michigan...

Batteling the Bulge!

So, here I am a few months into the journey. I saw a number on the scale that disgusted me and started eating healthy again. The trouble is, I wasn't doing it with enough structure. So I lost 5 lbs and then gained two...

So, after my friend DTC was in town with her average body telling me how she was on Weight Watchers and how I HAD to do it...ARG! I had heard that enough times, so ... I had to admit I should try it. Why hadn't I before? I had this feeling of failure to do Weight Watchers. I felt like I should be able to do it on my own. I usually do well at the things I set my mind to. But, as DTC painfully pointed out, the things I do well at come relatively easily to me...this does not. It killed me to admit it, but it is hard for me and I comfort myself and celebrate with food. It is not healthy for me and I am going to die younger than I should if I don't get my ass in gear. I don't exercise enough and don't make the best choices when we eat out. I am not a closet over eater, but it does not mean I don't have a problem. My Mother In Law has commented, "I see everything you eat, I don't know why you are so over weight." Ouch and thanks? So, genes, inactivity and choices are the answer to that question.

I am now doing Weight Watchers. I am excited about it actually. I said I was considering it out loud to a friend and Lis said she would do it with me. So, we signed up on line (and she tutored me and everything to make it easier for me...and not to give me any excuses...thanks, Lis), we measured each other and send our points lists to each other each night.

Last week I had a great exercise week. I exercised every day-including water aerobics, walking, kayaking and paddle boating! It was my first full week. This week... I have exercised twice, but will get in a third time before the week is over. I know there will be good weeks and bad weeks-I hope more good than bad.

The good news is W is doing it with me and we are cooking up a storm of WW recipes. I loved the Chicken Marsala so much, I would order that exact recipe at a restaurant. We also made, cheesy chicken enchiladas, Greek Chicken, egg salad, dry rubbed pork tenderloin, potato salad, and have more plans for new recipes next week.

The Chicken Marsala was the best followed by the Greek Chicken and egg salad. I would use less oregano in the Greek chicken next time, I guess that is not one of my favorite spices, but live and learn!

The dry rubbed pork tenderloin...was good tasting, but too much for my sensitive stomach to handle...I probably lost another pound after that meal though...

The potato salad was more of a German potato salad, I liked it, but will edit the recipe next time.

We learned how to use REAL garlic...sad we have never cooked with it before, nor scallions...I KNOW RIGHT? A whole new world.

Overall, I have been doing this two weeks and am down 3 lbs. It will be slow I know, but I hope to never see the numbers on the scale again once I pass them. I also have realized that a structured program is best for me--but one with flexibility.

The online system is great. You can go into any recipe, change it and it will tell you how many points it is! You can add your own recipe to find out how many points that is as well...seriously, it is magic! Also, everyone gets 35 "splurge" points a week. So you can have what you want one day a week, or have a few extra points each day. Flexibility is the key to my success. I hope.

I know it will be a hard road, but I have been overweight for 13 years now and it is beyond time to take it seriously. Lis gave me a food scale, DTC promises me an in purse point counter...W is cooking recipes with me and eating healthy. What more could I ask for?

Wish me luck. I have some trips coming up and know they will be challenging, but none more that the Warner Family Camp out! All my lifetime favorite recipes...

I will need strength. Time will tell if I have it. I guess my epiphany is that my feelings of failure by not being able to do it by myself aren't doing anything for me. By NOT trying WW, I will never know if it is what will work for me. It isn't a failure to ask for help, I am a trained therapist for God's sake-you would think I would be open to anything...

The truth is it is complicated. I feel better about myself now then I did when I was skinny and not eating. I am happy in my life, but not with my weight and health. So, join me on my journey and wish me luck.

I am worried about failing at Weight Watchers...then I will have really failed! But, I am working on affirming the positive and giving myself a break. I have failed at getting healthy by myself, but it doesn't make me a failure. I am a true failure if I don't try. I know that. I am trying. Bring it!

Five Good Things, Five Bad

Good things this weekend:
1. Graduation Ceremonies
2. Dinner at the River House Inn, Williamston
3. Star Trek
4. Bake N Cakes gourmet cupcakes
5. Down 5 pounds

Three Bad things:
1. The weekend is over
2. Dogs continue to track black mud from "lake" in yard through house
3. Front porch falling apart
4. caught in rain going from one grad ceremony to another
5. The word "moist," I just don't like it.

Stupid Healthy Eating and Not So Stupid Living

So, I am overweight. No shock there. When I went to the Dr. and found I had gained weight I was disgusted at the scale. I am not diabetic, but will again follow a diet balancing protein and carbs (known as the diabetic diet--I used it when I was preggers), eating small, small meals. I am allowed one lunch and one dinner I can be more lenient with per week. I will look forward to those days...

On MPR this morning they were talking about "brown fat" yes, there is a thing we have on our bodies called good fat. It is brown in color and its sole purpose is to burn energy and calories. Guess what? We all have it, those of us who are obese don' t have as much? Is there ANY fairness there? I am just saying. If we are fat-can't we have MORE of the good fat. Seriously?

Also in the news. Obese women have even more of a glass ceiling than thin women...and obese men are over represented at the top of corporations. Although I don't want to run a corporation it is good to know that white women are preferred thin as company heads. There goes my bid for President of the world.

I will keep you posted on my journey. W is doing this with me (thanks). It makes it easier to tackle as a team. My mother sent me a card telling me she was behind me 100% and she knows I can do it. Shit. Now if that doesn't make it real--life has just changed.

I will try to embrace it. . .

Mexico

I recently went on a family vacation with my mom, my husband's mom, my husband and our two year old daughter.

I wanted to "skip Christmas" and save our money to escape a portion of the Michigan winter. I started researching, talked my mom into coming and then made an appointment with our AAA travel agent, Kathy.

Kathy has always pointed us in the right direction before, so I went with her recommendation of the Azule Sensitori in the Maya Riviera, Mexico. It is an all inclusive resort on the ocean between Playa Del Carmen and Cancun. Everything was included including premium alcohol, which was very important to one traveler, it was family friendly-important to myself, had around the clock room service, important to all, five restaruants, a pool/river that wond around the entire complex and of course, swim up bars--oh and each suite had a hot tub in the room and a balcony.

Sound good? It was fantastic. I wish I would have had another four days to do a few more things locally, but who does not want more time while on vacation. Also, we were on the first floor and you could see under the door. I thought a lizard would crawl in...one never did, however our floors were flooded when the downpour came! :) Nothing is perfect and this is a new resort just opened in November, so I figured we were the 8th family to ever stay there in those connected suites. We were treated like royalty and I found the Mexican people some of the friendliest of anywhere I have travelled. The area we stay in gets 80% of its money from tourism, but that has never stopped people from being rude. In Mexico, the people were fabulous!

More on Mexico later...

Connections

What makes a connection? Is it things you have in common such as interests? Is it things you have in common such as values? Is it a time and space issue, like we spend so much time together, we bond. Are there connections you make that will never go away, or will they all fade with time. As adults, do you go stick with friends you have a history with or do you make new friends as you change and grow. Is it all of the above?

Have you ever made a soulful connection, but there just is not enough time in the day to spend with that person? These are all questions that I am thinking about lately. Lifelong friends not acknowledging life changes, old friends making you a priority again letting you know what you had mattered. New friends connecting at your soul, but life not allowing for the connection to grow. People you feel were friends, but they just don't have room for you any more or friends you had before kids, don't relate to your new priorities. The deal is relationships take work. I choose to put energy in to those who wish to return the energy and let things go that are beyond my ability to change them.

I will continue to put out the positive energy I feel and see where life takes me. One thing I know for sure is that I will never take for granted those who have given me so much throughout the years. Those who have loved me for who I am no matter what else is going on. Those who accepted me in whatever state I was in, fat, thin, married, single, with or without child, happy or sad, working or searching. Thank you for reminding me not to accept anything less that the highest quality of friend. Thank you for showing me what that is.

Haiden Withdrawl

Since I had five days home with my baby (well, she is two now) girl, I miss her today.



I just talked to her on the phone, she is at Grandma's. The conversation went something like this...



"Hi, I am having fun," said Haiden.

"Good, are you being good for Grandma?" I asked.

"yeah, I am getting ready to go to sleep." She said.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"Yeah, can I see you when you wake up?" She asked.



My heart melted.



"Mommy will see you after work," I said.

"I love you Mommy."

"I love you too, sweat pea."



Grandma went back to reading her stories. Seriously, how did I get so lucky? My daughter is very happy, very verbal and has a spirit that shines right through that cute little gap in her two front teeth. I am a lucky woman.



They say write down all the cute things they say or you might forget. So, I am going to start writing.

Christmas/Holiday Cards

So, here is the deal. We ran out of Christmas cards...big family and we've moved a lot...so big list....If you are reading this HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

I thought of you...

Snow. . . It's coming now.

Yeah, it is winter now. Just saying.

Love Actually

I have so much love for my life partner. I enjoy laughing with him and sharing time together. Sometimes, there are special moments that remind me of the early days. I am remind me of the initial connection that we have built upon. Those moments are just...well...fantastic! I feel lucky to have love actually.

Say What?!

I had a great weekend filled with friends.

First, I had a college years reunion with two girl friends, both of whom were in our wedding eleven years ago. It was nice to hang out with such ease. Even if C cancelled, last minute. We still had a great time...and I expect him to come through with that making it up to us :).

Second, Wayne and I went to the MSU game with two of the most fabulous people on earth and had a great dinner at Red Lobster...seeing how few people were there was odd...my guess is due to the economy. But the game and the company rocked! Mom was a free sitter, can't beat that either.

Third, we took Haidie to an otherwise all adult gathering at the Smite's. Nice to see many of our friends and hang out eating some great homemade soups and goodies, playing games that make me laugh! Haidie was great and Wayne was a champ allowing me to have fun!

This time of year people you love are important. I find myself missing my late Grandmother very much. I also miss my military family, Dave, Heather, Mo, Mark, John, Michelle, Nick, Jen, Brian, the kids...and many, many more. I miss them all so much and have the greatest memories we have all shared together during holiday's past. As I spend time with my local friends and family...I can't help but to miss my "away" friends so much. Love to you all...

Random Thoughts-Time and Shirley MacClain

Time: I heard that 10:10 pm is the best time to be creative and to solve problems. I have also heard that the shower produces a zen like effect to assist in a meditative like state for creativity and thoughts to flow. So, I ask you this...since my clock in my bathroom is stuck at 10:10, does that in itself mean that I will always be creatively thinking when I am in the shower?

Second thought...totally unrelated.

Shriley? I was people watching as I often do and realized that I am not just a "chipper gal" who likes to spread cheer. When entering the building every morning, for example, I can't help to say, "Good morning," to the sleepy student working the front desk or the facilities staff carefully de-icing the sidewalks after the machine did a so-so job. I can't help but to make small talk on the elevator or thank someone out loud for holding a door open for me. I can't resist chatting it up with the students and staff I see daily in the cafeteria. As I watch others, most are not inclined to communicate with some of these folks. It is not that they are rude individuals. I'll back up a bit, let's take the student working the door of the cafeteria. When you enter the cafeteria, there is a student that slides other students cards through for entry, takes cash for those paying as one time guests or collects tickets from those of us who get them through working at Case Hall. That is her/his job. Day after day, person after person -- and we are talking about thousands of students per day handling everyone who enters. Ok, back go my observation of the non talkers. Some have their ipods on and just going through the motions of their day not to acknowledge or ignore, just to be. Some are talking with the people they will sit with for lunch. Some look like they have a hang over and are glad to be able to walk--an all-nighter look at least. Some seem inconvenienced to have to wait five seconds if there is a line, and then there are a few who know the student worker and shout out the good ole' "what up?"-but not really looking for a response. There are a few people that acknowledge the student doing their job and divert the energy of the assembly line process. I am one of these people. For me, it is not that I can't shut up--as I know many of you are thinking...although it is a fair thought, based on my affinity to chatter. It is that I can't ignore the energy I feel while in the presence of others. It is not just following customs and courtesies like I am sure some of the other greeters follow. It is deliberate. It is important to me. It is an organic push to connect with the other energy, to acknowledge the space and time we share and to respect the presence as a life form rather than the task handler of an assembly line process. Now, I know this sounds like I have been reading some Shirley MacClain books or something, but alas, no. I just realized as I shook a student out of their daze this morning into a shock because someone spoke to them and there was a five second delay in the students response of "good morning?" that the greeting was not typical. I am sure others of you are thinking...leave them alone, let them be sleepy and dazed- you are probably driving them crazy! But, I don't get this sense. I don't stop and have a half hour conversation when they are clearly fighting to stay awake, I simply say, "good morning," "Stay warm," "Have a great night." or some such greeting. The response I feel is energy awakening, momentary connectivity and real time interaction.

Those are my thoughts for today. Feel free to comment...so in the moment I am reading the comments, we are connected-as is our energy...(I couldn't resist to add this piece!). Maybe I should read some Shirely MacClain... :)