Batteling the Bulge!

So, here I am a few months into the journey. I saw a number on the scale that disgusted me and started eating healthy again. The trouble is, I wasn't doing it with enough structure. So I lost 5 lbs and then gained two...

So, after my friend DTC was in town with her average body telling me how she was on Weight Watchers and how I HAD to do it...ARG! I had heard that enough times, so ... I had to admit I should try it. Why hadn't I before? I had this feeling of failure to do Weight Watchers. I felt like I should be able to do it on my own. I usually do well at the things I set my mind to. But, as DTC painfully pointed out, the things I do well at come relatively easily to me...this does not. It killed me to admit it, but it is hard for me and I comfort myself and celebrate with food. It is not healthy for me and I am going to die younger than I should if I don't get my ass in gear. I don't exercise enough and don't make the best choices when we eat out. I am not a closet over eater, but it does not mean I don't have a problem. My Mother In Law has commented, "I see everything you eat, I don't know why you are so over weight." Ouch and thanks? So, genes, inactivity and choices are the answer to that question.

I am now doing Weight Watchers. I am excited about it actually. I said I was considering it out loud to a friend and Lis said she would do it with me. So, we signed up on line (and she tutored me and everything to make it easier for me...and not to give me any excuses...thanks, Lis), we measured each other and send our points lists to each other each night.

Last week I had a great exercise week. I exercised every day-including water aerobics, walking, kayaking and paddle boating! It was my first full week. This week... I have exercised twice, but will get in a third time before the week is over. I know there will be good weeks and bad weeks-I hope more good than bad.

The good news is W is doing it with me and we are cooking up a storm of WW recipes. I loved the Chicken Marsala so much, I would order that exact recipe at a restaurant. We also made, cheesy chicken enchiladas, Greek Chicken, egg salad, dry rubbed pork tenderloin, potato salad, and have more plans for new recipes next week.

The Chicken Marsala was the best followed by the Greek Chicken and egg salad. I would use less oregano in the Greek chicken next time, I guess that is not one of my favorite spices, but live and learn!

The dry rubbed pork tenderloin...was good tasting, but too much for my sensitive stomach to handle...I probably lost another pound after that meal though...

The potato salad was more of a German potato salad, I liked it, but will edit the recipe next time.

We learned how to use REAL garlic...sad we have never cooked with it before, nor scallions...I KNOW RIGHT? A whole new world.

Overall, I have been doing this two weeks and am down 3 lbs. It will be slow I know, but I hope to never see the numbers on the scale again once I pass them. I also have realized that a structured program is best for me--but one with flexibility.

The online system is great. You can go into any recipe, change it and it will tell you how many points it is! You can add your own recipe to find out how many points that is as well...seriously, it is magic! Also, everyone gets 35 "splurge" points a week. So you can have what you want one day a week, or have a few extra points each day. Flexibility is the key to my success. I hope.

I know it will be a hard road, but I have been overweight for 13 years now and it is beyond time to take it seriously. Lis gave me a food scale, DTC promises me an in purse point counter...W is cooking recipes with me and eating healthy. What more could I ask for?

Wish me luck. I have some trips coming up and know they will be challenging, but none more that the Warner Family Camp out! All my lifetime favorite recipes...

I will need strength. Time will tell if I have it. I guess my epiphany is that my feelings of failure by not being able to do it by myself aren't doing anything for me. By NOT trying WW, I will never know if it is what will work for me. It isn't a failure to ask for help, I am a trained therapist for God's sake-you would think I would be open to anything...

The truth is it is complicated. I feel better about myself now then I did when I was skinny and not eating. I am happy in my life, but not with my weight and health. So, join me on my journey and wish me luck.

I am worried about failing at Weight Watchers...then I will have really failed! But, I am working on affirming the positive and giving myself a break. I have failed at getting healthy by myself, but it doesn't make me a failure. I am a true failure if I don't try. I know that. I am trying. Bring it!

Five Good Things, Five Bad

Good things this weekend:
1. Graduation Ceremonies
2. Dinner at the River House Inn, Williamston
3. Star Trek
4. Bake N Cakes gourmet cupcakes
5. Down 5 pounds

Three Bad things:
1. The weekend is over
2. Dogs continue to track black mud from "lake" in yard through house
3. Front porch falling apart
4. caught in rain going from one grad ceremony to another
5. The word "moist," I just don't like it.

Stupid Healthy Eating and Not So Stupid Living

So, I am overweight. No shock there. When I went to the Dr. and found I had gained weight I was disgusted at the scale. I am not diabetic, but will again follow a diet balancing protein and carbs (known as the diabetic diet--I used it when I was preggers), eating small, small meals. I am allowed one lunch and one dinner I can be more lenient with per week. I will look forward to those days...

On MPR this morning they were talking about "brown fat" yes, there is a thing we have on our bodies called good fat. It is brown in color and its sole purpose is to burn energy and calories. Guess what? We all have it, those of us who are obese don' t have as much? Is there ANY fairness there? I am just saying. If we are fat-can't we have MORE of the good fat. Seriously?

Also in the news. Obese women have even more of a glass ceiling than thin women...and obese men are over represented at the top of corporations. Although I don't want to run a corporation it is good to know that white women are preferred thin as company heads. There goes my bid for President of the world.

I will keep you posted on my journey. W is doing this with me (thanks). It makes it easier to tackle as a team. My mother sent me a card telling me she was behind me 100% and she knows I can do it. Shit. Now if that doesn't make it real--life has just changed.

I will try to embrace it. . .

Mexico

I recently went on a family vacation with my mom, my husband's mom, my husband and our two year old daughter.

I wanted to "skip Christmas" and save our money to escape a portion of the Michigan winter. I started researching, talked my mom into coming and then made an appointment with our AAA travel agent, Kathy.

Kathy has always pointed us in the right direction before, so I went with her recommendation of the Azule Sensitori in the Maya Riviera, Mexico. It is an all inclusive resort on the ocean between Playa Del Carmen and Cancun. Everything was included including premium alcohol, which was very important to one traveler, it was family friendly-important to myself, had around the clock room service, important to all, five restaruants, a pool/river that wond around the entire complex and of course, swim up bars--oh and each suite had a hot tub in the room and a balcony.

Sound good? It was fantastic. I wish I would have had another four days to do a few more things locally, but who does not want more time while on vacation. Also, we were on the first floor and you could see under the door. I thought a lizard would crawl in...one never did, however our floors were flooded when the downpour came! :) Nothing is perfect and this is a new resort just opened in November, so I figured we were the 8th family to ever stay there in those connected suites. We were treated like royalty and I found the Mexican people some of the friendliest of anywhere I have travelled. The area we stay in gets 80% of its money from tourism, but that has never stopped people from being rude. In Mexico, the people were fabulous!

More on Mexico later...

Connections

What makes a connection? Is it things you have in common such as interests? Is it things you have in common such as values? Is it a time and space issue, like we spend so much time together, we bond. Are there connections you make that will never go away, or will they all fade with time. As adults, do you go stick with friends you have a history with or do you make new friends as you change and grow. Is it all of the above?

Have you ever made a soulful connection, but there just is not enough time in the day to spend with that person? These are all questions that I am thinking about lately. Lifelong friends not acknowledging life changes, old friends making you a priority again letting you know what you had mattered. New friends connecting at your soul, but life not allowing for the connection to grow. People you feel were friends, but they just don't have room for you any more or friends you had before kids, don't relate to your new priorities. The deal is relationships take work. I choose to put energy in to those who wish to return the energy and let things go that are beyond my ability to change them.

I will continue to put out the positive energy I feel and see where life takes me. One thing I know for sure is that I will never take for granted those who have given me so much throughout the years. Those who have loved me for who I am no matter what else is going on. Those who accepted me in whatever state I was in, fat, thin, married, single, with or without child, happy or sad, working or searching. Thank you for reminding me not to accept anything less that the highest quality of friend. Thank you for showing me what that is.

Haiden Withdrawl

Since I had five days home with my baby (well, she is two now) girl, I miss her today.



I just talked to her on the phone, she is at Grandma's. The conversation went something like this...



"Hi, I am having fun," said Haiden.

"Good, are you being good for Grandma?" I asked.

"yeah, I am getting ready to go to sleep." She said.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"Yeah, can I see you when you wake up?" She asked.



My heart melted.



"Mommy will see you after work," I said.

"I love you Mommy."

"I love you too, sweat pea."



Grandma went back to reading her stories. Seriously, how did I get so lucky? My daughter is very happy, very verbal and has a spirit that shines right through that cute little gap in her two front teeth. I am a lucky woman.



They say write down all the cute things they say or you might forget. So, I am going to start writing.

Christmas/Holiday Cards

So, here is the deal. We ran out of Christmas cards...big family and we've moved a lot...so big list....If you are reading this HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

I thought of you...