Don't Feed Your Cell Phone to the Ducks

Cell phones just freak me out. I mean, I have one. What if I didn't? Well, I am guessing no one would ever talk to me--and you can't text on land lines, bummer. I work with teens and they may not have money for the bus, but they have a cell phone to call me and tell me they can't come to their appointment because they don't have money for the bus. Cell phones are a sign of status to some, a necessity to others and plain convenience for the rest of us. Take my husband for example. He would go to the store to get three things and come home with five. However, one of the three he went for, he would forget. Now, he just calls me and says, "what else was I going to get?" There. Convenience.

OK, all that just to mention that Wayne is feeling cut off today. Why? Thanks for asking! Did he forget his cell phone? Well...we went on a family outing to MSU on Sunday. We thought it was a good day to go to the Red Cedar River to feed the ducks. Haiden loves it. So, Wayne went to sit on the edge to hold Haiden so she wouldn't fall in, plop. Yep. His cell phone fell out of his sweatshirt pocket and into the river. We both looked at it-like dear in headlights. Wayne blurted an expletive and I just froze. There is was...Haiden's picture was lit and displayed on the bottom of the Red Cedar River. "Are you going to get it?" I asked. He took his sandals off and hopped in to retrieve it. It no longer glowed. It was kaput! We tried drying it out, trading batteries, but nothing. It was gone. Now, Wayne is awaiting a refurbished phone via mail. Don't worry, not all was lost. The memory card allowed Wayne to get all of the pictures and video clips off. Even the picture of me, miserable in labor, all bloated with a washcloth on my head. Hmmmmm....I wouldn't have minded if THAT had been lost.

Lesson: Don't wear a sweatshirt on 80 degree days (what was he doing wearing a sweatshirt on Sunday anyway?), and if you are silly enough to do so, don't put anything of value in the pockets and lean over water. I hope this fabulous piece of advice helps you out someday. Seriously, the first company to make a water resistant cell phone will be genius--and loaded. Come on, we all know someone who's phone fell in the toilet, or the Red Cedar River-same difference.

Overwhelmed and Inspired

Do you ever get overwhelmed hearing other people's problems? Just sitting with one's own life's problems can be exhausting. I have several very tough cases right now. I adore the very often labeled "juvenile delinquents," "disrespectful lazy teens," and my least favorite "directionless" human beings I work with. They hear those other things all the time. I have a different perspective.

I understand that I get to see their best selves. One on one, in a room with them with no outside pressures and complete confidentiality (except child abuse and/or harm to self or others, which I CLEARLY cover I can't keep private). Do you know what I see? I see overlooked, under appreciated survivors. The teens I work with may act out, use drugs, do illegal things and yes, sometimes present with a bad attitude. These same teens were once kids who have experienced some things you couldn't imagine. If you heard their childhood stories you would throw money at their "cause" and have sympathy and empathy unending.

In two and a half years, I haven't met a teen who hasn't experienced at least ONE major trauma. Yet, they are funny, they are smart, they are wise beyond their years at times. They are hip, they are cool, they are real. I am glad they are alive and feel privileged to be let into a world that many are not. If you will, take a moment to remember what it was like to be a teenager. Remember what it was like when your heart was broken, hormones raging, or you were covering for your family because they weren't perfect? Remember when you drank, or you lied, or you felt insecure? Remember that these teens are real and deserve to be honored for their experiences.

I am not suggesting they not be held accountable for the choices they make. Trust me, they are. From their teachers to their probation officers, from their parents to their community, they are. What they are NOT getting is the recognition that they have potential and that they have SO MANY strengths. Although right now I am feeling overwhelmed by the pieces of them I carry with me, I feel even more empowered to put out in the universe how lucky I am to see their best selves. I hope you will take a moment and honor them with me. Thank you for listening and thanks to them for teaching me so much I would not have known without their candor and bravery to share. How lucky I am. How lucky I am.

Sometimes, You Get What You Pay For

I was with my two girls at water aerobics at the YMCA in Haslett on Wednesday. We were working out, catching up and chat, chat, chatting. I was watching the people around...the children that seem to be there doing family swim with no adult with them, the manic splasher that was lane swimming RIGHT behind me (nice view underwater I am sure. I had no view since the splashed water blinded me.), the early 20's lifeguard that looked so passive and bored, the others in class-buzzing with chatter in their little hives. Just a typical day at the Y.

Then, like a sleeping dog snaps to when he hears a squirrel, this young, previously passive, life guard has what I believe was the most exciting two minutes of his week. The instructor overheard a lady in class question if that was lightening outside. The instructor saw it and directed the lifeguard to check it out. He charged over to the window and verified lightening and jumped into action. He blew his whistle like a ref with a game determining call and proceeded to VERY ASSERTIVELY state, "Everyone out of the pool! It is not safe. EVERYONE OUT OF THE POOL." He moved faster and more assertively than his demeanor had suggested possible. We all proceeded to move out of the pool. Our instructor told us we had to get out because, "there are pipes under the pool that are not grounded and if lightening strikes we will all turn to goo." That is right folks, goo. Hmmm...I thought. "why don't they ground it?" I asked the instructor. "I don't know, but if you are at the Mac, you can stay in the pool. It is grounded." she answered.

OK, so I paused to ask myself a few questions (out of the pool of course). 1. What if no one had seen the lightening? 2. What if there were no windows at the pool? 3. Are they aware that in Michigan the weather changes on a dime...? 4. Do you get what you pay for? 5. Should safety be more accessible for those who pay more? In the end, I am not goo...and that life guard had 2 minutes of adrenaline filled action. I was actually impressed. At lease he has it in him to jump out of his stoned-like state if I were to nearly drown. I wonder if he does rescue people or if you have to pay more for that? :)

Oh, the instructor told us we are not supposed to shower either. I took my chances...she did too as well as everyone else in class. Should that be posted somewhere? I wonder if the Mac has signs? Signed, the gooless Jaim

Do I Have Skeeter Syndrome?

I think I can clearly speak for every resident and visitor to Michigan when I say, "I am sick of mosquitoes!" Every time the dogs come in, those little blood suckers hitch a ride. When I am outside, I get bit AT LEAST twenty times more than the person next to me. I love being outside in the summer...come on we are forced to spend so much time inside during the winter! The bites hurt and look a little ugly too. I am really beginning to HATE the little buggers.

Upon getting fed up by all my bites, I thought..."everything has a purpose, right?" WRONG-O. Mosquitoes do nothing but carry diseases and viruses from person to person. Mosquitoes infect 700 million people annually. Not little things like a cold, but MALARIA, WEST NILE VIRUS and YELLOW FEVER...just things that kill people especially children and the elderly....Not rooting for the mosquitoes yet.

Why do I get bit so much? "Don't wear perfume or nice smelling hair products." I am told over and over again. Then I find out the following: "Mosquitoes use carbon dioxide (CO2) and 1-octen-3-ol1 from human and animal breath and sweat as odor cues." ODOR cues? SO, maybe it is not my fancy smelling products, but perhaps I am one stinky girl! Twenty times MORE stinky than others...I just think I have sweet meat. I must be yummy. (Denial kicking in?)

Then the misogyny comes in. Only female mosquitoes suck blood AND they DO NOT need it to live. Females as literal bloodsuckers in this depiction.

Then I find out there are lucky people among us. Some adults (not me!) can become desensitized to mosquitoes and have little or no reaction to their bites (lucky few). Hmmm, while others can become hyper-sensitive with bites causing blistering, bruising, and large inflammatory reactions, a response known as Skeeter Syndrome. Do I have Skeeter Syndrome?! I must admit I would love to tell people I have it. I sounds kinda fun--if it weren't for the symptoms.

I still don't want to HATE. Hating is so ugly. Perhaps mosquitoes provide needed sustenance for some fantastic creatures. Yes, that must be it. There. There in lies their purpose. NOPE WRONG AGAIN. Although dragonflies (I do love dragonflies), bats (bats rock) and Purple Martins (I've been known to be a bird watcher) eat mosquito's, they make up less than 1% of their diet. Bottom line. I HATE MOSQUITOES.

Top 10 Things I Have Learned While Trying Not To Be a Mosquito Hater!

(AKA Top 10 Reasons I HATE Mosquitoes)

10. Mosquito bites hurt-and then itch and itch, a long lasting "i was here."

9. There is no beauty added by red swollen blotches. (I look like some sorta patient...)

8. Mosquitoes don't do anything for the environment (and everyone is going green).

7. Mosquitoes don't even provide enough food for dragonflies or bats to even snack on!

6. DEET (our best weapon against THEM besides NETS) can have negative effects on the Central Nervous System.

5. Mosquitoes actually kill people. (little murders, that is what they are.)

4. We are driven to wear long sleeves and layers in the SUMMER. (uh, humidity isn't enough?)

3. Females get a bad rap again. (side note: 99% of scientists are men, I am just saying.)

2. I am much stinkier than I previously thought (thanks for the heads up, friends).

and the number one reason I HATE mosquitoes?

1. Skeeter Syndrome. I may not have it, but it still exists.

DOWN WITH SKEETERS!

Say It Isn't So?

So, as I am driving to work today, I hear that Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman broke up. Why should this matter to me? I am a hopeless romantic, yes, I am a realist too. I always come to the defense of celebrities because I have empathy for how their lives are spun. But, back to Jimmy and Sarah. I just loved the thought of them together. They are both so funny and make me laugh-I could only imagine a life of laughter, wit, etc. Of course they are celebrities so why should I even be pondering it? I realize I don't know a thing about their real lives but, here is what I am pondering...Was Sarah Silverman really .... Matt Damon? OR Was Jimmy Kimmel really ... Ben Afflec?! We just will never know (utube it if you don't know what I am referring to :) if those skits had more truth than fiction. In the end, I guess it is just hard to picture Jimmy Kimmel mad. Try it. Hard isn't it?

Post Vacation Depression

Post Vacation Depression...I think this should be an official code in the DSM. They have practically everything else in there, so why not this? I want to be diagnosed today with post-vacation depression. I just got back from Boston and it was a fabulous eleven year anniversary trip.

Awwwwe, showing some love on our Anniversary.

Haiden stayed with my Mom, she is a saint for keeping Haiden for us, so we could get away together. Don't worry, Mom got some gifts brought back for her.

Wayne and I checked out Boston for three and a half days. We had a blast! We had some fine dining and checked out some Bostonian famous digs, like Cheers. We had a sunset cruise on Boston Harbor.

The Boston Harbour at Sunset.

We took a tour around Boston, including a trip to Paul Revere's house, visited the oldest commissioned war ship in the world, the USS Constitution (Old Iron Side) and saw some other historical places. We wandered around little Italy...tasting the best cannoli I have ever had at Mike's Pastry, a Boston landmark.

Chocolate Chip Cannoli from Mike's Pastry.

We went to see the Blue Man Group and toured Harvard and MIT (I feel smarter for just having been there). I loved Boston. It is where the Revolutionary War began, thus leading to our nation's independence. You feel the spunk in the people of Boston's spirits. They LOVE their sports teams and have a zest for life. I also can't get enough of that accent. "Paak the caa in Haavad Yaard."

Wayne and I on the trolley for our city tour.

I look forward to my next trip to Boston, it has passed Philadelphia on my list of favorite cities, but NYC still tops my list. Boston is a close second because of the family feel. Their are parks everywhere and it is very family friendly, while still being a city with so much action and history to offer!

Wayne and I visually expressing our joy of being on vacation.

The best part about returning was seeing our little girl. But going back to work tomorrow and being away from my family AND vacation...Post Vacation Depression here I come. At least I have the memories...

Wayne and I thinking about ending vacation :).

The picture for the DSM for the craziness that can be caused by Post Vacation Depression.

Spittin' Some Knowledge

I work with teenagers, and sometimes when they speak...I am left wondering what they said. I ask, they laugh and then they fill me in. Here are some things I've learned.

He ganked my fitted. = He stole my fitted baseball hat.

She's soft and scary. = She won't do anything, she is afraid (scared) of me.

I was ear hustlin'. = I was eavesdropping. (this one is my favorite!)

I'm no tweak! = I am not addicted.

From the Lean Man. = From the guy that illegally sells prescription liquid codeine.

Lean, szyrup, purple = Liquid Codeine or Promethazine (presciption liquid cough syrup with codeine)

I smashed. = I ate so much.

She's bad = She is very attractive.

Snitch = tattle tale

Snitches get stitches = People who tell will get beat up.

She hoed my life. = She broke up with me.
She hoed my life. = She cheated on me.
She hoed my life. = She talked behind my back.
She hoed my life. = She did something bad to me.

He's fake = He pretends to be tough or he pretends to be a gang member

Deuces = Peace out = Good bye

She's a bop. = She gets around sexually.

He's my husband or She's my wifey = He's my boyfriend or she's my girlfriend.

Forces = Air Force One's (Nike tennis shoes)

I am down with the clown = I am a fan of Insane Clown Posse'

Juggalo = Insane Clown Posse' Male fan

Juggalet = Insance Clown Posse' Female fan

Emo = Peson who is often depressed, sometimes cuts themself and dresses in black with dark hair slicked over one eye.

Everyone has dirt. = Everyone has illegal things they do.

Stick = marijuana also means cigar paper wraped marijuana

He did me a solid. = He did me a favor.

I'm a hot boy = The police watch me (similarly, that house is hot, that neighborhood is hot = an easy place to get caught or a place the police watch)

'Nuff said, deuces! = I think I have said enough, goodbye!